I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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