yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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