saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
