I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
