She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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