just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
