hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
