My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
the room spins SO much faster in panama
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
