he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
