the day after is always just damage control
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize