I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
