A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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