why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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