I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
