Porn is love you can see.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
