Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
