I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
