I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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