"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
