I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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