I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
