my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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