Already got asked if we're dating
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
