that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
