The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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