Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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