i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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