GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
