i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
