if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
His hands were made for my vagina.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize