There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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