god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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