Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize