i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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