I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
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