I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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