Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
