i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
