I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Randomize
