My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Send help, water and tortillas.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
