You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
