DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
