Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
