so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
