At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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