i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
