Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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