the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
