Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize