When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize