please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
