i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just invented taco cereal.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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