i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
