Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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