Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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