Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
And then the night went full on bisexual.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
