No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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