What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
