$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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