I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
