Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
