Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
