i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I feel like abortions should bother me more
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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