Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
