just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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