dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
