Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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