Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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